"And Thou, O Lord! by whom are seen Thy creatures as they be, Forgive me if too close I lean My human heart on Thee!

A young friend of mine has been in the process of leaving the church for a couple of years now. He would tell you that he actually left the church before graduating high school, but having lived longer and experienced a bit more than he has, it is my belief that leaving something that has been a major part of one's life since birth is a process, not an event. It takes time and happens in small increments some of which feel liberating and joyful, and some which can be filled with bitterness, pain, even regret.

When we first talked after his decision to take this journey, I counseled my friend to remember a few things:

1. Leave behind that which you do not believe, but remember there are some things taught by the church which have basis in pure logic and will help us to live well-grounded lives. Examples of this would be striving to be debt-free, keeping our appetites in check, avoiding promiscuity, obeying the laws of the land, getting an education, keeping our bodies fit and healthy, and daily meditation. 

2. Believe in a higher power. This might be God--it also might simply come from within ourselves or other friends and family. But allowing this belief can give us hope when we feel our lowest and can help us draw strength when we need it.

3. Allow wonder, surprise, and delight to have place in your life. Find beauty in  your surroundings and joy in all of life. Allow innocence to thrive and look on it with respect, not disdain or cynicism.

4. Remember that I love you--always.

My friend promised me he would do so. He believed it would be easy--but his journey was only beginning, and he had no knowledge of what it would entail. I was fairly certain his resolve would falter. My hope was that if he could only hold to one of the things I had mentioned, it would be number four.

Disillusion and disappointment for my friend followed in the time that passed. But with those also came enlightenment, discovery, and many moments of joy and peace. There were delightful experiences mixed with those that seemed disheartening--in short, he began to live his life, truly live it, based on his own beliefs and desires rather than those of his parents. I was grateful he chose to continue to share a part of that new life with me as we continued our friendship.

Then came the moment when his bitterness toward the church crested and everything pertaining to it in his past brought anger and resentment. The wave was all encompassing and anything and anyone remotely connected with his affiliation with the church became caught in its path. 

I was not spared.

I believe he loves me. I don't believe it has been easy for him to watch as his separation from a past that brings him pain has also carried me away from him--for I am a part of that past. Nonetheless, it is easier to believe that all people affiliated with the church are bigoted and ignorant than it is to see them as individuals. It is easier to cut with one sharp slice than it is to carve out hollows for the exceptions. It is easier to walk away from anything that might remind us of where we came from when that memory brings pain.

What he does not understand is that the treatment he has received from loved ones--treatment which allows no understanding, no forgiveness, no continued fellowship--that is what he is extending to me. And what have I done to deserve it? I cling to a belief he eschews. I live a life he does not understand. I attempt to build bridges he would choose to destroy. 

And I am left with no defense. I would not ask him to see things as I do--that is a choice he much come to himself. I cannot ask him to stay when he wishes to be free of me. I can only remind him that I love him. 

This is what I've been saying--if you wish for change, go carefully. Because change based on treading on the innocent is bought with a very high price. When you stop seeing the individuals in a group you hate, and see them only as a faceless, thoughtless machine, you have ceased to think rationally. Change--true change--takes place on an individual basis, one by one, as hearts learn to understand despite differences; indeed, as people learn to live with one another while allowing, even celebrating those differences. Any change that takes place in a mass, is based on confusion and mania and will not last. 

And so, my sweet, wonderful friend, I will keep my door open for you. There will always be a place at my table, in my home, in my family, for you. Indeed, there is a portion of my heart reserved only for you. And someday, perhaps you will understand that allowing me to believe as I choose--as I have allowed you to believe as you choose--while still allowing me to be in your life, is a sign of true love and true friendship, and there is no greater gift two people can give to one another. 

And I will wait for you. Because I believe, in your heart of hearts, you know this to be true. And someday, I think you will miss me.