Beautiful World

This has been a tough one for me, probably because I've always had a deep-seated belief that no one will stay. Darrin has definitely pro...

Accept that I was an abused child. I was. I knew this. There was no denying it. But I did not want to BE an abused child. I wanted to be che...

I suppose, if I have to assess where I am right now, I would say I am more calm. About pretty much everything. Tolkien boy once told me that...

 I'm fascinated and a little aggravated at how my subconscious does not want me to return to this. A couple of weeks ago, my therapist g...

I'm back in therapy. It will be vastly different this time.  Years ago when I started the first time, I began my first blog. And people ...

I finally watched my friend's memorial service. It was predictably Mormon. I wanted them to say more about him. I miss him. Tolkien boy ...

I feel like I've done a lot of that lately. A wonderful friend of mine passed away earlier this year. It felt like my heart would break....

 I survived 2020. Just wanted to put that out there. Why am I back here? Well, during my decade of blogging I learned a great deal about mys...

Adam calls me Robohips. And he's married now. That's weird. We're moving again. This is a very good thing. We need to be away ...

Today is a rock bottom day. You know when you get to the place when even crying feels like too much of an effort? I'm there. The job i...

I have a new job. It's good. I'm finally well enough to use running as an effective tool to manage PTSD again. What that means is,...

I stopped writing. Real writing. I mean, you have to write stuff at work-- lesson plans, email, shopping lists. But all the things I've ...

That's almost how long it's been since I came here. I have a number of reasons for staying away, the first of which being that I jus...

Sometimes you celebrate the demise of a year quietly. Outside there were fireworks. Some felt a little too close for comfort as the sparks h...

Gratitude is a funny thing. I talk about things that make my life better. I remember people who have helped shape my life and who continue t...

So much on my mind today. I stopped writing after my last post. Not just here. Everywhere. I have other blogs where I'm not anonymous ...

In spite of my better intentions, I have been disconnecting. It would be very easy for me to talk about all the reasons this makes me a terr...

Two things: 1. I'm exhausted. 2. PTSD is big tonight. Most of the time I wait to write until the worst is over. And I really believe...

Every once in a blue moon I do something despicable. I don't know why I do it, and it usually involves someone I care about deeply. Like...

July is almost finished. I haven't written because I don't really know how to express what I've been feeling. Lots of things hav...

There have been a lot of days during the past couple of weeks when I have wanted to come here. But I'm working on something. I am tryi...

All quotes are from the National Center for PTSD. "Trauma survivors with PTSD may have trouble with their close family relationship...

How to proceed? I gave myself a few days for everything to calm down. I told myself to stop being dramatic. The result? PTSD managemen...

I had a friend once who read my blog. This was back when I wrote things of substance that were upbeat and sometimes even funny. He would rea...