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Thursday, November 8, 2012


I haven't been writing for a little while because recent days have been unusual and unpredictable, and quite honestly, I just haven't wanted to. So I'm writing just a bit tonight while I try to decide if I want to delve into anything in greater depth later.

This week I applied for a job. I'm going through training and testing right now and on Monday I should know if I'm hired. While I need the job, I'm okay if I don't get this one. Quite honestly, I'm just happy that I've finally found enough emotional stamina to apply. That's a big step in the right direction.

Last week was very good. I even had some days when my hip was functioning normally and without pain. However, there are always reminders that I'm still recovering. I found that reminder when, on Saturday, I spent two hours at the gym and came home to find a message on my phone reminding me that I was supposed to be judging a music festival. It was 10:00 a.m. I was to have been there at 7:45 a.m. Somehow, I forgot. These are the kinds of things that let me know I still have a ways to go before I'm myself again.

In two weeks we'll visit Tabitha again. Adam and DJ are planning to join us for this visit so we can have Thanksgiving together. We'll be staying with my cousin, Jeff, and his family--partly because we enjoy spending time with them, but also because Jeff is not doing well. He had his first flashback last June and has had difficulty staying sober since then. I don't know how I can possibly help, but I'm hoping it will be comforting, at least, to know I understand much of the pain he's experiencing. We'll see how the visit goes. I'm wishing there was more I could do to help Jeff. Then I remember how, regardless of the help I've received, I've had to do the majority of healing work myself. I also have to remind myself that I'm still healing after more than seven years of therapy. It's a very long process.

In the meantime, my time is filled with rehearsals and performances and the unending work of trying to put my life back in order. Some days are better than others. And now I'm going to bed. Good night!

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