I wrote my last post when I was feeling a great deal of anger and frustration. It is not unusual for me to do this on my blog, and the process of doing so often helps the anger disperse so I can see with greater clarity the larger picture. Most of the time I believe this is a very helpful tool and it has become habitual for me to come here when I feel frustrated or helpless in a given situation.
I should not have done so in the situation I described in my previous post.
I received an email from one who was involved in the same dinner party. My friend expressed hurt and anger that I had aired my upset here--in a public place--rather than addressing it personally with the people involved. And he was correct.
I should have discussed the problem in the correct place with the people involved because while it might be common for bloggers to air their anger and frustration in their private blogs, that doesn't mean it's right, and in doing so I put my friendship with someone I love on the line. And I was wrong.
My friend further explained that the things I saw were not what he saw and that I had judged swiftly, harshly, and wrongly. While I don't agree with his viewpoint about what happened during the conversation in question, I do agree that I was unkind in my portrayal of the person with whom I was angry, and judgmental, and I had very little information upon which to form that judgment. Again, it was wrong of me to do so.
Tolkien Boy once told me that something he admired about me was that I don't make snap judgments about people. When they seem unlovable I manage to love them, and I'm always willing to give people, not just second chances, but many, many chances because I believe all people deserve love and respect. Tolkien Boy would be deeply disappointed in me.
So today I wish to say that I take responsibility for my wrongdoing, and ask forgiveness of those involved. Perhaps, one day, we can grant each other a second (or a third...fourth...fifth...) chance.