Okay, this has to be short because it's after 1:00 a.m., and I really do need to be sleeping.
However, today I hit a wall. I've been doing all the things I'm supposed to do (mostly) to keep depression and anxiety at bay, but sometimes there are just things that are depressing. Like air so polluted it's unbreathable. And a pulled tendon in the groin that screams pretty much all day long. And so few houses on the market that the ones that are there are ridiculously priced. And a political climate that feels threatening and frightening.
There's more, but that's enough to talk about right now.
So Darrin came home today and said, "Let's go for a ride." Which we did. And I was cranky.
But Darrin had had a good day. And he told me about it. Which made me feel more cranky.
So we went to the store and got some things we needed, during which time that pesky tendon began telling me that I needed pain killer NOW. Which made me even more cranky.
On the way home, I took some pain killer and then proceeded to cry because sometimes you do that when your tendon is causing you misery, but mostly you do it because, even though you were trying not to be, you're still depressed.
And when I get depressed, my first impulse is to panic because we have no money and go to work a million hours a day so we don't end up on the street.
Except we have money. And I don't need to work like that. But it FEELS like I need to.
So Darrin said we should go home and I should finish my work project while he ran another errand, and then we should make dinner. And I needed to think about planning some activity that would keep me away from the computer tonight.
But after Darrin left, I decided I needed to practice so I did that instead which meant my work project wasn't done by the time he got home. But I did plan and arrange for an activity that would keep me away from work, so that's one thing.
We made dinner. I finished my project. Then I left with Tolkien Boy and we spent a couple of hours together which equals me not working.
When I got home, I immediately checked in with work and loaded up the sessions they had waiting for me.
And then I saved them for tomorrow.
Because it's silly for me to set myself up for another really awful day.
There are some things I cannot control. Probably tomorrow the air will be unbreathable, my tendon will still be painful, there will be a dearth of available houses to buy, and our political climate will be unchanged. But I don't have to keep working constantly. And I can get rest when I need it. And sometimes, probably, Darrin and Tolkien Boy and a few other people will let me call or visit or go get dessert with them.
And now I'm sleepy. Good night.