Acceptance

I suppose, if I have to assess where I am right now, I would say I am more calm. About pretty much everything. Tolkien boy once told me that there is value in acceptance. I resisted that for a very long time. Acceptance meant acknowledging that some things are real and cannot be changed. 

However, not accepting reality means I am stuck in the wish-world. There is no growth there. There is a lot of frustration and anger. In the wish-world, I understand what was, but remain in the place where I don't want it. And if I can't accept what is, I cannot move forward.

I think it's okay to acknowledge that reality sometimes aches. I think it's okay to say I don't want to be the person who lived through my reality. I think it's okay to be angry and sad and wistful. I think it's okay to wish it was otherwise. In doing all those things, I'm remembering that I am worth more than that. I deserved better. 

And then, in the end, I accept that what I wished for did not happen. It still makes me ache, but I can become who I am if I allow myself to be who I was. 

Finally, I can say this and still feel calm. That's something.