Let's vote on it...

Everyone has one, right? The relative that makes one wonder if perhaps that relative was actually a foundling and there is no (hopefully) blood relation? If you don't, perhaps you'd like one of mine. I have more than my fair share.

However, today's topic of discussion is centered around the most unusual of people, "The Aunt." The Aunt has been present in my life for as long as I can remember. Her voice is shrill and loud. She says unkind and awkward things randomly. She showers at least bimonthly whether she needs it or not. Occasionally she brushes her teeth. Hygiene issues aside, her behavior often makes family members wish they (or she) were (was) elsewhere. 

I am a tolerant person. When I lived in California, she lived in my ward. As an unrelated aside, it was The Aunt who married PTSD Green Beret Uncle who is now wacko. They are now divorced and The Aunt is married to a man she met on the internet who seems to have little interest in anything except eating bags of potato chips and drinking soda pop from 2-liter bottles. I'm not inviting him to go running with me because I think he would die, and as his weight triples mine, I'm not confident that I could move his body from the road before it caused an accident. I'm pretty strong, but I have my limits. Anyway, back to California...

I wanted to befriend The Aunt. She's never really had great friends and I believe somewhere inside her lurks a person who is very sweet. So--Darrin and I (newlywed at the time) would visit, share dinners, and converse the The Aunt and PTST Green Beret Uncle who is now wacko. I believe The Aunt and I formed a fairly good rapport, and I didn't die because at the time she was showering at least twice weekly, rather than monthly. So--truly, I tried to be nice to The Aunt.

Backing up to my wedding day. The Aunt did not attend my wedding because she had to...do something...I don't remember what...it didn't matter to me, given all the other stresses I was dealing with. However, she was a visible presence at my reception. Known for her eclectic taste in clothing, The Aunt wore a dress two sizes too small, a shocking pink neck scarf (the dress was green), and knee boots made of long grey fake fur. I believe she had showered recently, but the teeth were long overdue for a good brushing. As The Aunt has a voice which could project in any gathering, her comments rang from one end of the hall to another. She has no qualms about sharing personal information about others in public. I heard: 

"Oh, didn't you know? They divorced last month. He was cheating... I thought you'd know--they're your neighbors, after all."

"Mmm...good refreshments. I should have more."

"Samantha looks too skinny. Don't you think she looks too skinny?"

"I have got to go to the bathroom."

"Why did Samantha invite you? I didn't know you guys were friends."

"We've never met Darrin's family. They seem nice even if they're not Mormon."

"Did you know Darrin's parents are divorced. But not remarried."

It went on for more than two hours. Just one more thing to add to the annoyances that couldn't seem to stop happening that evening. Finally, Darrin and I went to change and leave the crowd behind. I took off my veil (because I did not like wearing it), set it on a chair, and went to the bathroom where my clothes were. A few minutes later I heard an uproar. Exhausted and stressed, I ignored it. When I reentered the hall I found The Aunt, bounding about the room, my veil on her head, exclaiming, "Now I'm the bride! Look at me! I'm the bride!" while my parents, siblings and several cousins tried to discretely apprehend her. Finally, The Aunt's older sister caught The Aunt, pulled the veil from her head and said, "You're acting like a child." My sister Lila muttered, "A child would know better than to wear a veil with those boots!" I watched the scene for a few more moments, then I walked out to Darrin's car without telling anyone good-bye. I'd had enough.

Through the years I have tried--really tried--to ignore the fact that The Aunt is a social menace, a terrible cook, and sometimes just plain mean. I've spent time with her. I've tried to help her find jobs. I've accompanied her when she wished to sing (and please remember that her teeth have been brushed fewer times in her lifetime than the number of years in my age). It hasn't helped cement the Aunt/niece bond between us. 

Recently, she burned all her bridges with me when she complained that my foster sister and family were invited to our family reunion because, "...she's not really family, now, is she?" Not family? My foster sister visited my grandmother in the hospital every day until her death because The Aunt couldn't find time to drive 20 minutes to see her own mother. Every day. And then my sister emailed the rest of us who lived hundreds of miles away, so that we would know what was happening with Grandma. I know who is really part of the family, and it's not The Aunt.

Okay--enough--it's time to vote.

The Aunt has found my Facebook profile and asked to be my friend. 

And I'm still mad about the family reunion comment. 

The bottom line is that in spite of all her deplorable habits and poor hygiene, she is The Aunt, my aunt, and I really do, on some level, want to be kind to her. She's had a rather terrible life--abusive first husband, abusive extramarital-affair-man-who-fathered-her-child, weird as heck marriage to PTSD Green Beret Uncle who is now wacko, and now married to abusive husband who lives on potato chips and soda pop. Honestly, in comparison, my life has been really, really wonderful. 

But I don't want to be her Facebook friend.

But if I ignore her, her feelings will be hurt. I don't want to hurt her feelings.

Seriously, sometimes I even like her. Especially when I only see her once every five years.

So...do I accept? or decline to be her FBF?

Please vote.