Experiments that are just bad ideas...

Me (speaking this morning at a gathering with my children): Okay. Your dad's upstairs snaking out your toilet which has been plugged now for two weeks. I don't care if you think you'll be in trouble. YOU HAVE TO TELL ME WHAT YOU PUT INTO IT!!!

DJ: Mom, the only thing I put in that toilet is poop, pee, and toilet paper.

Tabitha: I don't use that toilet. I only use yours.

Adam: Did Dad find anything when he was fishing around in the toilet?

Me: You didn't answer the question.

Adam: No, I didn't put anything into the toilet. Did he?

Me: Yes. So far he's found a nickel and a dime.

Adam: Oh.

Me: Adam?

Adam: Yes?

Me: That was a very suspicious sounding "Oh."

Adam: Well, I might be the one who caused the problem.

Me: Might be?

Adam: Well, I wondered, if I eat a lot of dimes and quarters and nickels and pennies, if they'll pass through me like you said they would. But I never saw any in the toilet, so I just guessed you were wrong.

Me: Adam, how many did you eat?

Adam: I had three dollars and sixty-five cents. I had five quarters and the rest was in dimes, nickles, and pennies.

Long pause.

Me: Adam, new rule (and I can't believe I'm making this rule): From this point forward, if it's not a food product (which includes medicines) or a doctor's order, you don't ingest it.

Adam: I'm sorry. I didn't think it might clog the toilet.

Me: Go apologize to your dad. And you might think about kissing his feet. 

Adam: Yeah. I guess I didn't think far enough ahead on this one.

Me: I don't even know what to say.

Later:

Adam: Uhhh...Mom? Dad might find things other than money in the toilet.

Me: Adam! did you put more things into the toilet?

Adam: Not directly, no.

Me: Explain!

Adam: Well, I also ate other things.

Me: Things?

Adam: Yeah. I don't remember exactly what...

Darrin (yelling from the bathroom): The ball from the inside of a mouse! A wing nut!! Adam!!! What were you thinking!?

Adam: Wow, I had no idea those things had come out of me.

Darring (still yelling): A ROCK!!! ADAM!!!

Adam: I think that's pretty much all of it.

Me: Why are you still alive? I will never understand.