I Googled, "I'm sad" today. The result was page after page of ways to cheer up, interspersed with the odd mental health article/exam which will help you know if you're depressed or just sad.
I don't know why I did that.
Maybe it's because I feel absolutely bound right now. I am not allowed to say I'm sad to anyone. And if I do, no one knows what to do next. Sam is sad? That's not possible.
And Google wasn't really any help. I haven't been through ten years of therapy without learning ways to deal with depression and sadness. And actually, it's not that I don't want to do any of those. I just want to know that it's okay for me to be sad. Because I am.
So I'm telling my blog. Even though it can't hug me or sit with me while I allow myself 15 minutes to be sad (seriously, if anyone ever did that, I think we'd be giggling after 5 minutes-- that's just who I am), and it can't tell me that it's okay for me to be sad, I can still say it in my blog. And there's no guilt in it. I've made no one uncomfortable. I just wrote the words.