Today is a rock bottom day. You know when you get to the place when even crying feels like too much of an effort? I'm there.

The job is still good. I like it. It allows me to recover from last year. And it has good benefits. And DJ works there, too, now.

But my other hip needs to be replaced. I'm really trying not to let this be huge.

It's huge.

And it makes me super depressed.

DJ keeps reminding me that the pain will stop when the hip is replaced. I remember that from last time. But I also remember how long it took to recover. And I remember how depressed I became.

And I just got my running stride back. I love it so much. And it's going to go away. Soon.

I'm trying. I want to make certain I write that. I've been continuing to try to work on therapy stuff and things that will keep me healthy emotionally. I'm trying.

It's just that there's so much that keeps pulling at me.

My dad is dying very slowly. But also, he could go at any time. Congestive heart failure. Arrythmia. Organs failing. Inability to eat leading to extreme weight loss. Calcium deficiency. He's dying.

My mom is is denial. She insists my dad will get better. She says she does not have dementia. She's very upset that we've asked her to stop driving (after two major accidents caused by her).

My siblings have stepped up and are helping all they can. That's a good thing.

There are many good things. My father-in-law is leaving on Sunday for an extended vacation. And when he comes back, we'll be selling the house and parting ways. That is an incredibly wonderful thing.

Fall has been lovely.

I'm not sick.

I'm not teaching school in a place where I'm not allowed to teach.

The summer from hell is over.

The air is still breathable.

We had some positive results in our mid-term elections.

But still, today is pretty difficult. Tomorrow will be better.