Sigh..a rant in which I swear again...

me: Are you up to listening to a good whine, or shall I scout out someone else?

AtP: of course I'm up to it :D

me: It is almost 10:00 p.m. on my birthday.  At midnight last night a very good friend sent me an amazing birthday text. On my Facebook profile, even though I don't publicize my birthday, Jason, Salad and Drex, Darrin, my cousin, and a guy who plays games with me on Facebook, but with whom I have never spoken  wished me a happy birthday.  Also, my sister, Lila and scary visiting teaching lady.

AtP: nods

me: I received phone calls from Darrin's dad and mom, and Tolkien Boy, all of whom sang me the birthday song. My boys fixed me dinner and made me a cake.  Darrin brought me roses and expensive perfume which makes me want to throw up, but which I love anyway because he loves to give me things.

AtP: :)

me: I have two parents and seven siblings. The math isn't difficult--how many of my family members remembered my birthday?

AtP: None? which happens every year?

me: One.

AtP: oh right, your sister :) you said that

me: Lila--who remembers every year, even though she's halfway across the world and doing a million things and just had a baby. Well, had a baby in June. So--for the next three weeks I'll be fielding apologies and being gracious about being forgotten. Except, you know what? I'm not going to this year. My new answer when a family member says, "Oh! You had a birthday! I'm so sorry I missed it!" is this: "Yes. You did miss it. That's okay, I celebrated being born without you, just like every other year--and the people who cared about me sent songs and happy wishes and cards, just like they do every year. You don't have to apologize anymore--you've done it enough."

AtP: YAY. I'm proud of you!

me: It's ridiculous, AtP. I have three children--the days they were born are precious to me. I do not understand parents who can forget me unless they need something from me. Not only that--your day is important to me--very important. And Darrin's, and Tolkien Boy's, and Jason's, and Ambrosia's… Seriously--what is so difficult about my birthday? And this year it was on a national holiday--I can't put it in a more prominent place. So--they were at a family reunion--a family reunion--spending time with people they don't talk to more than once a year--and they can't even call me.

AtP: where was it held? When did your parents first stop remembering ?

 me: They've never remembered. My dad registered me for Kindergarten. He told my teacher I was born on Sep. 9^th.  I got in trouble because she tried to give me a birthday card on that day and I told her it wasn't my birthday. She said, "I guess your father knows when your birthday is!" and I said, "I guess he doesn't!" and I got sent to time out.

My mother knows, she just doesn't remember that it's the 6th until my older sister's birthday rolls around on the 11th--then she remembers she missed mine.

 AtP: o.O

me: They used to pretend it was just easier to celebrate my older sister's birthday with mine, since they were so close, but really, I'm not stupid. When we always celebrate on the 11th, and no one says a word on the 6th, it doesn't take a genius to figure out they can't, or choose not to, remember my birthday. However, thank you for remembering.

 AtP: nods

You're welcome. I have nearly missed it several times :(

 me: I talked to them about this last year. I told them it was hurtful when they ignored the fact that I was born. It made no difference. I'm not talking to them again.

That's the thing, though--I'm your friend, not your child. You could miss it and it would be okay. If you want to remember, that's wonderful, if you forget--that's okay, too because we're friends. But my parents sort of birthed me out--I think they're obligated to remember. They don't have to do anything--just say they're glad I was born...how hard is that?

So--this year I celebrated without them. And I will next year, as well. I was thinking about inviting them to my house for dessert to celebrate, but I really don't want to. I'm tired of apologies and saying it's okay, because it's not. Even scary visiting teacher sent me a Wonder Woman video--that took some thought and web searching--I just want my parents to acknowledge the day with two words.

And I'm going to tell you something, AtP

  I know who I am.

  I've seen what i look like.

  I am not monstrous or ugly or mean or selfish

They should be damn proud to have me as a daughter. And if I was my daughter, I would never forget. You know that's true. I don't forget people.

AtP: You don't. You're beautiful, smart, and amazingly talented. I'm appalled that they won't remember your birthday. btw, I'm very happy you know who you are, and I'm very happy you're in my life.

 me: Me, too. Thanks for letting me rant.

 AtP: You're welcome. I like when you rant

 me: I don't, but I appreciate having a place to do it.

AtP: I wish I was smart or clever enough to ask poignant questions, or say something meaningful like other people you sometimes rant to, but I'm glad you are comfortable enough to talk to me when you need to :)

 me: Don't be silly--I talk to you because you're you, and I love you. Besides, when I'm ranting, no one can get a word in anyway.

 AtP: hahaha I love you too.