Adam: I don't want to go to France, ever. They have those weird squirt-bottle toilet thingies.
Darrin: You mean bidets?
DJ: They have real toilets, too. You don't have to use the bidets.
Adam: Why would anyone use them anyway. You just end up with a wet butt.
Darrin: There's usually a towel hanging nearby.
Me: And everyone uses that towel? Eeewww.
Darrin: What? Their behinds are clean--they just washed them.
Silence at the table as my children and I exchange horrified looks.
Adam: Well, I'm still not using them. Besides, what if someone put molasses in them? Then your behind will be all sticky.
Darrin: That's not possible. How are you imagining someone could put molasses in a bidet?
Me: WHY are you imagining someone would put molasses in a bidet?
Tabitha: Is molasses a plant?
Adam: It could happen. Someone could put it in the bidet tank, and then it would squirt out when you uses it.
Darrin: They can't either. The tank fills up from the same water supply used for drinking water, showers, everything.
Adam: They could put it in the whole city's water system.
Me: Molasses is not a plant.
Darrin: No they can't. It's not possible. There's not that much molasses.
Adam: I think they could.
Tabitha: What is it?
DJ: It's really thick syrupy stuff.
Darrin: Why would anyone do that?
Adam: It would be a really funny trick.
Tabitha: Is it made from Maple syrup?
Me: No. It's made from sugar cane.
Tabitha: Oh. So it's not a plant, but it's made from one.
Darrin: It wouldn't be funny.
Adam: Why do we have molasses then? No one really uses them.
Me: People actually do eat molasses.
Adam: Wait--molasses is a food?
Tabitha: Made from a plant. Yes.
Me: I think I'm going to go make brownies.
Darrin: I still want to know how you think you'd get molasses into the water system.
Adam: Can you put molasses in brownies?
Me: No. But you can put it in molasses cookies.
Darrin: Adam, you didn't answer my question.
Adam: I can't. I'm helping Mom make molasses cookies.
DJ: No. I want brownies.
Tabitha: Why were we talking about France?
DJ: Because that's where Dad went on his mission.
Darrin: That's not why we were talking about it. And we weren't really. We were talking about bidets.
DJ and Adam: We have to go now. Mom needs our help in the kitchen.
Tabitha: I'll stay and we can talk about bidets.
Darrin: No. The moment is gone.