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Sunday, January 4, 2009


Adam: I don't want to go to France, ever. They have those weird squirt-bottle toilet thingies.

Darrin: You mean bidets?

DJ: They have real toilets, too. You don't have to use the bidets.

Adam: Why would anyone use them anyway. You just end up with a wet butt.

Darrin: There's usually a towel hanging nearby.

Me: And everyone uses that towel? Eeewww.

Darrin: What? Their behinds are clean--they just washed them.

Silence at the table as my children and I exchange horrified looks.

Adam: Well, I'm still not using them. Besides, what if someone put molasses in them? Then your behind will be all sticky.

Darrin: That's not possible. How are you imagining someone could put molasses in a bidet?

Me: WHY are you imagining someone would put molasses in a bidet?

Tabitha: Is molasses a plant?

Adam: It could happen. Someone could put it in the bidet tank, and then it would squirt out when you uses it.

Darrin: They can't either. The tank fills up from the same water supply used for drinking water, showers, everything.

Adam: They could put it in the whole city's water system.

Me: Molasses is not a plant.

Darrin: No they can't. It's not possible. There's not that much molasses.

Adam: I think they could.

Tabitha: What is it?

DJ: It's really thick syrupy stuff.

Darrin: Why would anyone do that?

Adam: It would be a really funny trick.

Tabitha: Is it made from Maple syrup?

Me: No. It's made from sugar cane.

Tabitha: Oh. So it's not a plant, but it's made from one.

Darrin: It wouldn't be funny.

Adam: Why do we have molasses then? No one really uses them.

Me: People actually do eat molasses.

Adam: Wait--molasses is a food?

Tabitha: Made from a plant. Yes.

Me: I think I'm going to go make brownies.

Darrin: I still want to know how you think you'd get molasses into the water system.

Adam: Can you put molasses in brownies?

Me: No. But you can put it in molasses cookies.

Darrin: Adam, you didn't answer my question.

Adam: I can't. I'm helping Mom make molasses cookies.

DJ: No. I want brownies.

Tabitha: Why were we talking about France?

DJ: Because that's where Dad went on his mission.

Darrin: That's not why we were talking about it. And we weren't really. We were talking about bidets.

DJ and Adam: We have to go now. Mom needs our help in the kitchen.

Tabitha: I'll stay and we can talk about bidets.

Darrin: No. The moment is gone.


  1. Your family has some fun conversations.

  2. Weird--my family actually had a similar bidet conversation while we were all together last week. My brother served his mission in Argentina and he is a big fan of bidets.

  3. On my mission, any toilet you could actually sit on was considered a luxury. The old school toilets were squatters.

  4. Hahaha. I think the moral is clearly never to let Americans into France, lest the bidets become practical jokes.

  5. Kyle--"odd" probably describes the majority of our conversations, but they still make me giggle.

    FoxyJ--Funny, that doesn't surprise me at all. :)


    Ambrosia--Now I want to do something to the bidet system. Want to help?