I'm taking my kids on a mini-vacation next weekend. When I planned this a couple of months ago I was going to tuck in a visit to Therapist while we were there, but I've been feeling like I want to wait until May. I'm not sure why May has become the magic month, it just is. Yesterday though, I started thinking maybe I needed to see him now.
But I don't want to. And I keep coming back to this:
1. Why do I want to see him? Answer: Because I feel miserable.
2. What do I expect from him? Answer: I want him to tell me I'm not crazy. I want him to remind me of what I need to do to make it through the PTSD episodes. I want him to tell me all the reasons I'm still okay. I want him to make this feel better. And he will. He always does.
3. If I go see him, does that mean I'm depending on his help when I should be using all the things I've learned both from him and on my own, to get through this independently? Answer: Yes.
4. Do I care? Answer: Yes.
So--not going to see Therapist--I'm waiting until May. And while everything in my life right now feels painful and impossible and sort of sucks, I'm not dead nor dying.
I was going to get retested this morning to check my Vitamin D and Iron levels, but I had a meeting I couldn't cancel. And Tabitha needs a blood test, as well, so I think we'll do it next week. That was random. Not sure why I just wrote that, but as this is my blog and I can be random if I want to--I will.
And as long as I'm being random, I had this text war with Adam recently:
Adam text: Hey, i've got a quesrion. would an allergic reaction to my shampoo cause arash on my hands? (Obviously he didn't inherit my need for correct spelling and capitalization--which is good. This way he won't be ostracized by his like-minded peers.)
me text: Not sure. I'd have to see it.
Adam text: K i'll show you when i get home
Adam text: i just remembered i have a camera. it looks like this
Adam text: Well, it started itching yesterday, but it wasn't a bige deal til i realized that it's spreading on both my hands now.
Adam text: It's starting to burn a bit now. do you think it's an alergic reaction, or something else?
me text: I don't know.
Darrin intervention text: Adam, stop texting your mom. She's loaded down with work right now and doesn't have time for this. If you need help go see the school nurse; otherwise, stop worrying about it and get on with your day!
Adam text: K
I came home from a rehearsal around 1:00 to find Adam sitting on the couch.
me: Did you check yourself out of school?
Adam: No. I forgot
me: Adam, you can't just leave without telling anyone.
I made a phone call for my truant son, then asked what was going on.
Adam: I just think I should stay home today.
me: Why?
Adam: I'm concerned about this rash. It's all over my hands and going up my arms.
I looked at the accused rash which consisted on a couple of spots on his hand--nothing on his arms.
me: Adam, it just looks like you've been exposed to a fragrance or something in a soap or shampoo that your skin doesn't like. It happens to me when I try samples from Bath and Body Works. It itches and sometimes tiny blisters form, but it only lasts a few days then goes away.
Adam: Are you sure?
me: Yes, but we can take you to the doctor if you think it's something else.
Adam: Well, I googled it.
me: That is always a very bad idea. What did you find?
Adam: There was this page and the pictures of the rash looked just like mine and then after about a week of the rash the bones came through the skin.
me: See what I mean about "very bad idea"?
Adam: You don't think my bones are coming out of my hand?
me: I know they're not. Whatever you found--that's not a skin rash. It's some sort of rare and dreadful disease and only three people in the history of the world have ever had it and it can only be contracted through the bite of some now-extinct animal.
Adam: You're exaggerating.
me: Yes. You don't have whatever-it-is. You have a minor skin rash. We're going to put some cortisone cream on it and it will be gone before Friday.
Adam: You're sure?
me: Yes.
Adam: Well, if it's okay with you, I think I'll stay home from school today anyway. If my bones come out of my skin, I'd kind of like you to be around.
me: Fine. You can clean the bathroom and do laundry while you're here.
Which he did.
And his bones did not come out of his hand.
And the rash went away.
I love Google.
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