Dear Very Nice University Student Man,

Please notice my abundant wrinkles, obviously dyed hair, false teeth, and cane. This should be a clue to you that I am old enough to be your great-grandmother.

No, I'd rather not give you my phone number so we can study together. I'm certain we do not have some of the same classes. Yes, I know you've seen me on campus a lot--you follow me every morning. I work here. 

It's wonderful that you're a grad student. Enjoy your time as such. I finished my graduate work during the mesozoic era. 

Actually, you're very nice. I would like you if I was:

a) unmarried.

b) twenty.

c) into guys.

As I am none of the above, let's just chalk this one up to an uncomfortable moment, and I suggest you concentrate on the next geriatric female you encounter. 

Wishing you love and happiness in all your endeavors,

Samantha