I am neither illogical nor impulsive, I just like to read...and look at overnight bags.

me: You know how I'm always saying, "Stop buying stuff! It's just going to sit around and collect dust and add more clutter!"

Darrin: Yes.

me: Good. I need you to do that for me now.

Darrin: Really? You want to buy something?

me: Yes. And I need you to tell me all the reasons not to.

Darrin: What is it?

me: A subscription to The New Yorker.

Darrin: I didn't know you wanted that.

me: Are you serious? I used to check them out from the library and read them. You didn't notice?

Darrin: Sam, you used to check out everything in sight when we went to the library. There's no way I could tell if there was a New Yorker in that huge pile you brought home.

me: Oh. Good point. I'll bet you were glad when we got the internet so I could find a lot more information online.

Darrin: I don't know. I think you liked going to the library.

me: I still like it--I just don't have to bring as much of it home with me.

Darrin: So you want a subscription. I think The New Yorker is expensive.

me: Well, it's published weekly, so, yeah.

Darrin: Why do you want it?

me: It has fiction and poetry and politics and news and book reviews and music reviews and television reviews and cartoons... I just like it.

Darrin: You know, if you'd told me this before, we could have gotten you a subscription for your birthday, or for Christmas.

me: It's expensive.

Darrin: How expensive?

me: Well, the best price I've been able to find online is about $40, but if you subscribe for three years, you save $10 per year.

Darrin: That's not really expensive.

me: This is not what you're supposed to be telling me.

Darrin: Why do you suddenly want to subscribe now?

me: Well, they sent me an offer I can't refuse.

Darrin: What is it?

me: One year for $29.95.

Darrin: That's a good price.

me: It's a great price. Normally, I could say no to the great price all by myself, without your help.

Darrin: But?

me: They have an incentive.

Darrin: "But wait! There's more!!"

me: Yeah.

Darrin: And the incentive is...

me: This:

Darrin: You're kidding.

me: I know.

Darrin: You've resisted subscribing for years, but now you want to because there's a bag involved.

me: I know.

Darrin: Why don't we just go to the store and buy you an overnight bag. You don't even know how big it is.

me: I know.

Darrin: You want this one.

me: Yes.


Darrin: This is not like you.

me: I know.

Darrin: It's illogical and impulsive.

me: I know.

Darrin: I think you should get it.

me: What?

Darrin: I think you should subscribe. You never buy things for yourself. I wanted to get you something for Christmas but ended up spending all my spare time in job training and lesson planning so I didn't get you anything.

me: Yes, you did. You got me Scooby Doo videos.

Darrin: I wanted to get you something better.

me: Nothing is better than Scooby Doo videos.

Darrin: Well, anyway, I think you should get the bag...and the subscription, of course. Consider it your unnecessary bathroom shelf, made in lieu of housecleaning when my mother visits.

me: What?

Darrin: You're always telling that story.

me: What story?

Darrin: The one about how on my day off I was supposed to clean the house because my mom was coming to visit, and when you came home from work the living room was covered in sawdust and random wood pieces and I was nowhere to be found and then my mom and sister showed up, planning to stay for a week. So the house was a bigger mess, I hadn't started dinner, and you were completely ungrateful for the cool new under-the-sink shelving that I had built instead.

me: I'm not making the connection.

Darrin: You said I was completely illogical and impulsive. Then you ordered me to come home (when you finally found me) and help make dinner for my mom and sister. And even though you said you did, I don't think you've forgiven me.

me: I have, too.

Darrin: Then why do you tell the story.

me: Because it's sort of hilarious, and I have a brilliant sense of humor.

Darrin: True. Get the bag.

me: This is not what you are supposed to say.

Darrin: I know. Get it.

me: I love you.

Darrin: I know.