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Wednesday, April 6, 2011

"Deceiving others. That's what the world calls a romance." ~Oscar Wilde

With few exceptions, I hate chick flicks for the following reasons:

1. No romantic music ever begins playing when I make out with my husband.
2. The drama, tension, and resulting happily ever after is so unrealistic I want to puke, especially when infidelity is involved.
3. Watching people kiss sort of makes me shudder.
4. No one ever puts on a condom when they have sex in a chick flick, and they never talk about the resulting STD...the gift that keeps on giving...
5. The plots frustrate me. Honestly, I know it would make the movie only ten minutes long, but can't the people just say what's on their minds? Why is it fun to watch them misunderstanding each other, crying about it, and drinking themselves into a stupor so they can find the courage to say, "I love you"? And if that's the only time it's said, then it's sort of meaningless. And I do know what I'm talking about.
6. They kiss in the morning. Am I the only person who runs to the bathroom to brush my teeth when I wake up? I can guarantee that Darrin is not allowed to put his mouth near mine until we're both minty fresh. Ick!
7. There's always rain when the movie is sad. This seems a bit presumptuous. I happen to like rain.
8. No one ever does housework (although occasionally there is a romantic washing of dishes--I've never been able to understand why that's romantic) but the houses stay immaculate.
9. Even when the main characters work out, they always look sexy which proves they're not really working out. You should see me after I run. I am SCARY--sweat dripping off me, my hair nappy and big, I'm panting and that's a workout stance.
10. The fights are stupid. No one has fights like the ones in the movies. Most fights are much more intelligent--like the one Darrin and I had last night:
Darrin: I'm here to help. What can I do?
me: Open the refried beans, mix them in this bowl with the other can of black beans and some cheese, and microwave them for a few minutes.
Darrin: I'm sorry, I'm sort of tired. What did you just say?
me: Open the beans, mix them with cheese in this bowl and microwave them for a few minutes.
Darrin: Do I have to use that bowl?
me: Well, it's a microwave safe bowl and it has a vented lid.
Darrin: I'm sure we have other microwave safe bowls.
me: You know what? Use whatever bowl you want. I'm going back to work. 
(Samantha does her impression of storming out of the kitchen).
See--that's a normal fight. You won't find that in a romantic chick flick. And no, we didn't kiss and make up within the 90 minute time limit. I was mad for at least two hours.

Sigh...I really need Darrin to stop watching chick flicks. My brain hurts when he watches them.


  1. my hubby likes chick flicks. Totally unrelated but why do LDS women love Jane Austen so much? I've yet to meet one gay or straight that isn't a fan.-A.J.

  2. I don't know. But you just met one.

  3. you have made my day -hugs

  4. if it's not too personal a question what's your favorite book?

  5. Actually--I don't have a favorite. I have many I like, and some that I reread, but no favorite. Perhaps it hasn't been written yet. :)