A little more than a week ago a one-man play was performed. Mr. Fob got to see it. I did not.
The play was of interest to me because the actor, Ben Abbott, who conceived it is straight, but the play is about homosexual men and women who have current or previous membership in the LDS church. The purpose was simply to represent the variety of individuals in this subgroup, not to talk about right or wrong or to make any sort of statement. From the reviews I've read, and from speaking with people who were present during the performances, I believe Ben achieved what he set out to do. I haven't spoken with Ben since the play, but I probably will in the next little while.
I contacted Ben when I heard about his project because I believed I knew a number of people who could help him. I have ties to SSA people who are currently active in the church, some who have left but feel no antagonism toward the church, and some who are adamantly opposed to it--and to religion, in general. I was intensely interested in the success of this venture because it's something I've wished for in any genre, something I wished I, myself, could do--but I recognized that because of who I am, I would be unable to achieve my goal. I am not detached enough, nor (as much as I would like to think I am) am I unbiased. This undertaking needed someone who could look at the topic, meet and interview new people, and write with clarity undisturbed by a shared past of any kind. Ben could do this.
However, in contacting Ben, I did not intend to add myself to the mix. I simply wished to help him find people whose stories would be of value to him. I did allow an interview, during which I told Ben that my story is more about recovering and learning to thrive after rape and abuse, and homosexuality is only a facet of who I am. I consider that part of my life unremarkable. Yes, I feel sexual attraction to women. Yes, my preferred mate would not be hairy, her voice would be higher, and there would definitely be breasts and no penis. However, I chose long ago to marry, instead, a person I felt I could not live without. He added to my life a depth of joy and delight I had never before found. He is definitely not feminine.
Consequently, I don't really have much to say about being homosexual. It's part of who I am. I recognize the moments when I feel drawn to someone romantically, but quite honestly, I think I would feel those feelings even if I were married to the woman of my dreams. One does not stop feeling attracted to people simply because she has fallen in love. Those feelings are continuous and are sometimes directed toward people other than our mates. It happens. We deal with it. Often, because we reject the new feelings and repeatedly return to the person we chose to spend our lives with, the bonds to our spouses become stronger and mutual trust increases.
Mr. Fob sent this email following his attendance at Ben's production: