1. Do not talk on the phone to Tolkien Boy until 1:00 a.m. the night before.
2. Be upset at geriatric father-in-law for scheduling his flight at 9:00 a.m., requiring a departure from home at 5:30 a.m. in order to get him there on time.
3. Take 12- and 13-year old offspring along on the drive.
4. Do not listen to geriatric father-in-law's stories for more than 15 minutes at a time.
5. Try to ignore odd smell of geriatric father-in-law. Spray Febreeze in car-size bottle (which makes me so happy) every 15 minutes.
6. Sing. Don't worry if the words are correct. Just sing. Don't worry if singing bothers geriatric father-in-law. Just sing.
7. Enjoy incredible rush of joy as geriatric father-in-law is dropped off at the curb.
8. Talk with 12- and 13-year-old on the way home. Don't get too upset if the exit to the freeway is missed and one ends up on Tape Avenue.
9. Turn around and search for correct exit.
10. Stop for breakfast.
11. Hug and kiss 12-year-old when she shuts finger in car door.
12. Play the shouting game. Rule: randomly shout out everything you see. Laugh at self for being too tired to make mouth say the things that are seen.
13. Try to make words out of letters on license plates. This will not work if the license plate has only numbers.
14. Remember when 12- and 13-year-old fall asleep that they were up at 4:00 a.m. to deliver newspapers. Resist urge to sing loudly or play the shouting game.
15. Do not close eyes when within 3 miles of home. You will not open them.
16. Go into house and fall in bed. Sleep for four hours.
17. Thank the Lord that a smashed finger was the only casualty.