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Saturday, November 10, 2007

Credit where credit is due

I simply must thank Rude Visitor Marvin for his most recent comments. For, in spite of the fact that his command of the English language is lamentable and would make a third grader cringe, he has reminded me of something in which I am remiss...well, truthfully, it wasn't necessarily him, but the comments that preceded and followed his...


I'm hoping he'll forgive me for being a bit preoccupied, and accept my belated tribute in spite of me. But if you get a chance, please head over to his blog to send felicitations (except for Marvin--I think you should stay here with me because I would miss you so much if you left).

In honor of our latest "scum sucking road whore (thanks for the help, AtP)", Rude Visitor Marvin (hereafter to be known as RVM, which should be easy enough to remember), I will alter my language to reflect his illiteracy, as I don't want him to feel left out.

It's alw--ys a slightly st--cky situation to admit that one is in love with someone else's h-sb-nd, so I'm hoping FoxyJ will f--give me for ad-ring her sp--se. H--ever, I'm sure that ev--yone will agree that to kn-- Mi---r F-b, is to l-ve h-m. So, in honor of his b----day, I have made a l-st of t-n thi-gs I lo-e ab--t M----r F--:

1. He th-nks I'm f--ny (and really, since I have such a need for his adulation, it's only fitting that the first one is all about MEEEE!), wh-ch means he has an imp--cable sense of h-mor.
2. He dr--ses up for H--low-en as a sup-r hero--and makes c--tain that his chi--ren fo--ow s--t (literally).
3. He's a r--l dad! He t-kes his t-rn with f--ding, cl--nup, and wa-ching TV. And he th--ks his chi--ren are ad-rable (they are), as any dad sh---d.
4. He m-kes me l--gh (again--all about me--adulation--you know...) bec--se he's fu--y. I d-n't say that a---t many p--ple.
5. He l-ts m- say wha- I w--t to on his bl-g. Gr-nted, I'm alw-ys courte-us, affirm--ive, and delightf-l, but really, wh-t else c-n one po--ibly exp--t from one as wicked adorable (thank you again, AtP) as Me?
6. He wr-tes beautif--ly.
7. He's hum-n a-d emp-th-t-c without be-ng m--dlin, and I have b--efited from h-s w-rds more t--n once.
8. He s--ms to live in a c-nsist-nt st-te of eudaemonia (so sorry, RVM, for the big words of more than three syllables, but really, stooping to your level can be so tedious).
9. He l-kes av-cados. And s- d- I.
10. He's f-n to pl-y with...and t-lk with...and be w-th...

I r--lly th-nk, one d-y, you --d I, Mister Fob, sh--ld play Scr-bble.

Thank you, FoxyJ, for allowing me to laud your husband. He really is one of a kind. I love you both and I am blessed to know you.

Oh, and Mister Fob--Happy Birthday!

P.S. Ben--If you want the highbrow version, let me know. I'll email it to you.


  1. I am duly flattered, Sam. Also, your post made me laugh quite a bit. Dare I say it? I find it comical, even humorous.

    In the interest of full disclosure, I have to admit that I had to look up eudaemonia. :)

  2. oooh...i'm and the fob prick have each other. he doesn't even know how to spell "illusion" correctly. pretty educated, fob prick. you two should go f-ck each other.oh you cant youre both f-cking fags. too bad youre really not f-cking fags then you could do each other. and i am glad to see fob prick use the word "comical" and "humorous"? they are after all synonyms...DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!! you two deserve each other- the fob prick and his bewitched whench. i have grown tired of you two. no imagination. so predictable. so boring. yawn.


    illusion (NOT what the erudite Mr. Fob intended): an erroneous representation; something many people believe that is false; the act of deluding

    allusion (used correctly and in context by the erudite Mr. Fob): passing reference or indirect mention

    Please, oh please don't stop talking, Rude Visitor Marvin!! I haven't been this entertained by a person flaunting his ignorance (mostly because my Courteous Visitors are extremely intelligent) in a long time!

  4. I read his comment before you had responded and walked away saying, "Huh. I don't remember using the word illusion, but it's entirely possible I did and I left out an l or something." Then about five minutes later I burst out laughing when I made the connection. Too too funny.

  5. Marvin--

    You are being laughed at. Hard. By many people. (This is, after all, a highly trafficked blog.)

    Thanks for providing the entertainment of my whole weekend. Keep throwing your temper tantrums. And, next time, look up the spelling of whench (sic) before you criticize the correct spelling of allusion, ROFL.

    Also just so you know, in response to what seems to be the idiotic premise of your disdain: Samantha has an entire list on the right-hand column of her blog of people that have met her in person. People that she has identified herself to, personally spoken to and, in many cases, become friends with. Her anonymity is to protect herself as well as her potently difficult situation (which, having read nearly every blog entry she’s ever written and having spoken to her at length outside the context of this blog, I find to be authentic, real, and moving) from people like you, and I commend her for shielding and protecting herself from someone so contemptible and virulent. (Look those ones up, buddy). She is nothing but real and forthcoming to those who wish her well and wish to know her. In your case, I assume you’ll be lucky to get passing mention a few more times if you keep up your antics, and then you will be long forgotten and ignored like other naysaying, ignorantly critical, and tragically self-absorbed and self-enlightened fools of the past.

    I, for one, am completely astounded that you would be so offensive for absolutely no identifiable reason, and will simply go on with my day baffled at the idea that people like you exist.

    In the meantime, keep on talking! Your colors (dismal and dingy), and brilliance (or lack thereof) are seeping through in all their glory, much to the amusement of many.

  6. So I've been thinking about how I feel about being called "fob prick." I've decided the name has to go. Henceforth I will be addressed only as the Prick of Pricks or as His Royal Prickness.

    Thank you.

  7. Does that mean I get to be the Whench of Whenches or Her Royal Whenchness? (what in the world is a "whench" anyway?)

    I'll just add that to my list of titles:

    Queen of The Queerosphere
    Tall Black Man Fob-to-be

  8. I think it's the long lost wh- question word: who, what, where, when, why, and whench. It's sort of like who, but used only when you know the referent is an undesirable woman.

    "Whench said that?"
    "Whench are you going out with?!"
    "Whench stole my underwear?"

  9. Oh my goodness! Being a whench comes with the underwear-stealing superpower! It just doesn't get any better than this!!

  10. It’s official: I have stopped believing Marvin is a real person.

    C'mon... which one of the you bloggers is playing a trick on Samantha?

  11. (I posted a comment, and then had some more fun, sarcastic ideas, so had to delete it and post this one)

    1) Actually, "whench" is an alternate, dialectal form of "whence" used primarily in north Birminghamlancasterwhorchestershire between 1793 and 3 Q.E.D.

    2) Alternatively, it's a whay for those whithout any teeth to be able to pronounce said whord whithout all the air escaping out the front of their mouth and making them (even more) unintelligible. (which is not a misspelling of the word "unintelligent" - or is it?...)

  12. You and your fellow pricks must think you are so clever, so smart. Trying to disparage me and my comments publicly-you think this is without consequence? You wish to escalate this conflict? Are you certain, considering what may be at stake? You and your fellow faggots are so predictable. That is the depth and charm of me- I am not.
    Let's examine the "Stevens" family. Your 44 year old, short and stubby, balding husband- rather, your French speaking, exotic chocolate eating, (Côte d’Or is his favorite, but likes Marcolini, Lindt-Lindor, Valrhona- I know he does not like the Cavalier too well- crazy!) lived in Belgium, loves cars, loves Italian food, fishing, Speed TV, flowers, shopping, his '67 Bug (which I hear his wife "loved"), works on organic websites, mormon bishop husband. The same "man" who permitted his college students to engage in fighting for a church activity the end of 2006. The men, maybe. The women? Really!
    Broken noses? Blood in the church? He wasn't even there to witness the really "good stuff". Some of "us" did. What would your church leaders say about "Darrin's" ill-mannered, ill-advised recreational activity and IDIOTIC leadership? Not to mention the defiling that happened that night that he knows nothing about. But when your wife's daddy- who by the way is looking old these days; he needs to get some rest-is the, what do you mormons call him? Yes, the stake president, I guess you can get away with all kinds of things, can't you? Still, I am certain that your church legal system would love to hear about this. Just think of the lawsuits and the great name "Darrin" would give your church in the public arena of the press. Smart guy. Not. And, speaking of "Darrin", nice that he is the bishop in your college town in...hmmm...where is that? Idaho? No. Montana? No. Wyoming? Yes, that is right-Wyoming.
    Then there is the short little pip-squeak Samantha who likes to run in the morning- missed you the past several days. Do you feel vulnerable? You are. And watched? Maybe. Some morning, if you like, we can "run" into each other. You would like that, wouldn't you? It would give you yet another chance to pontificate about yourself and you could jerk off while jerking someone else around. We both know that is how YOU get off.
    Now the children. Your two sons and one daughter- they are a rather mundane story. Your 17 year old- pretty unsure of himself for as old as he is. Your daughter, sweet, adorable girl- too bad she is so short- still kind of cute. The other boy- he is his own story. Pretty good sense of humor. Kind of dumb, though.
    These are the things you want to put at risk just to publicly humiliate me? If they are, then you are dumber than I ever thought. And for what? Your insidious blogging? Good choice.
    Oh. If you and your "friends" continue making comments about me on your blog, you will begin a process you may not like. Consider yourself adequately warned. Press the "issue" of me and see where it gets you. I assure you, you will not like it. It may not be today, or even tomorrow or the next day- when you least expect it, well, you get the picture.
    For fob prick, am I being too redundant, using "synonyms" again? And speaking of fob prick, Jason, ambrosia, or anyone else, if you think I am bluffing, try me. Let the show begin.
    Have a blessedly malignant day.

  13. Marvin, what do you have in mind? An online expose? A war? A physical confrontation? You certainly have an advantage over us. You obviously know all about us. How about sharing some information about you? Why are you even in this forum? Are you stalking my beautiful wife? (hahaha) Obviously you have been insulted and offended, and that was wrong. I am sorry they did that. But you yourself are being secretive and illusive. I think if you want a little respect, you should share a little bit about yourself and allow others to contact you, even while retaining your anonymity.

  14. Dear Marvin,
    You are silly and sort of stupid if you think I'd be scared off by someone who gets all his info from BLOGS!!! For all you know, we made everything up. I could be a man. I write over 19 blogs--Darrin's is one of them. It's all a fantasy...or is it???

    The joys of can be anyone you want to be.

    Just reminding you that things are never quite what they seem--especially when one is a witch,


  15. Dear Marvin,

    I think you're bluffing. Consider this me trying you. How about let's see some information you couldn't have gotten from obsessively reading Sam and Darrin's blogs?


    His Royal Prickiness, the Prick of Pricks, Fob Prick

    P.S. Next time you're going to go all psycho internet stalker, do it on someone else's birthday post.