DJ: Mom, the only thing I put in that toilet is poop, pee, and toilet paper.
Tabitha: I don't use that toilet. I only use yours.
Adam: Did Dad find anything when he was fishing around in the toilet?
Me: You didn't answer the question.
Adam: No, I didn't put anything into the toilet. Did he?
Me: Yes. So far he's found a nickel and a dime.
Adam: Oh.
Me: Adam?
Adam: Yes?
Me: That was a very suspicious sounding "Oh."
Adam: Well, I might be the one who caused the problem.
Me: Might be?
Adam: Well, I wondered, if I eat a lot of dimes and quarters and nickels and pennies, if they'll pass through me like you said they would. But I never saw any in the toilet, so I just guessed you were wrong.
Me: Adam, how many did you eat?
Adam: I had three dollars and sixty-five cents. I had five quarters and the rest was in dimes, nickles, and pennies.
Long pause.
Me: Adam, new rule (and I can't believe I'm making this rule): From this point forward, if it's not a food product (which includes medicines) or a doctor's order, you don't ingest it.
Adam: I'm sorry. I didn't think it might clog the toilet.
Me: Go apologize to your dad. And you might think about kissing his feet.
Adam: Yeah. I guess I didn't think far enough ahead on this one.
Me: I don't even know what to say.
Later:
Adam: Uhhh...Mom? Dad might find things other than money in the toilet.
Me: Adam! did you put more things into the toilet?
Adam: Not directly, no.
Me: Explain!
Adam: Well, I also ate other things.
Me: Things?
Adam: Yeah. I don't remember exactly what...
Darrin (yelling from the bathroom): The ball from the inside of a mouse! A wing nut!! Adam!!! What were you thinking!?
Adam: Wow, I had no idea those things had come out of me.
Darring (still yelling): A ROCK!!! ADAM!!!
Adam: I think that's pretty much all of it.
Me: Why are you still alive? I will never understand.
There. Just. Aren't. Words.
ReplyDeletesadly, I am just not surprised.
ReplyDeleteI've become one of the rude "Google Reader" readers of your blog, but I just couldn't NOT leave a comment on this post. I LOVE your family and I don't even know them. I'll be giggling all day...
ReplyDeleteJust . . . wow.
ReplyDeleteThis is hilarious! (tho, sad for the toilet and your husband.)
ReplyDeleteI'm sure it's crossed your mind … but (and this is just my 2¢ — hah! a pun!) you may want to have him in for a scan to make sure it all came out.
ReplyDeleteJust a thought.
Haha! As everyone else said... wow!
ReplyDeleteheh heh this is so funny! Thank you for sharing...
ReplyDeleteI'd like to respond to all of you--but the experience has left me speechless.
ReplyDeleteI'd be half worried he's suffering from Pica.
ReplyDeleteAnd I think a scan wouldn't be a bad idea, given the large amounts of things he's evidently ingested...
.
ReplyDeleteWow..... But yeah, is it a hobby or is it pica? Or can you make money off him as a geek?