What I'm thinking about before I opt for another half hour of sleep over my morning run:

I would like to say that I went to therapy yesterday and emerged "all better." Of course, I didn't, but sometimes I'm unreasonable like that. 

Therapist believes I am "restructuring". 

Normally, I attend a therapy session, think about what was said for a day, draw conclusions and decide how next to proceed. I had too much in my head yesterday.

"Restructuring" definition:

1. Deciding which parts of my life are necessary and which are extraneous.

2. Understanding priorities.

3. Establishing new boundaries.

4. Using previous progress as a springboard for further growth.

Translation:

This sucks!

I'm not trying to be negative. I am not an innately negative person. But too much is going on at once, and much of it feels unmanageable or unwanted. And the plan I had in place in September/October has been back-burnered because I'm too tired to execute it. All my energy is spent trying to figure out what's happening with this "restructuring" crap. But at least Therapist gave me a name for it so I don't sound like a highly functioning mentally handicapped person as I try to describe what's happening to me anymore.

That doesn't help me feel more balanced, nor do I feel at peace with the whole process. But Therapist assures me I'm not backsliding. Good to know

I realized something in our session yesterday. For the first time in three years, I no longer want to do this all by myself. Meaning: I'm so tired I want to quit. I never quit. I'm not sure I know how. So maybe it's not that. Maybe I mean: I'm so tired I want someone to do this for me for awhile. I'm not really sure what "this" is. But I'm very sure, whatever it is, I want someone to do it for me. I don't remember ever being this tired before.

Any takers?