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Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Time to start writing again.

Tolkien Boy's bedroom is cleaner than mine. I know this because I slept in his bed for a few nights while he inhabited his living room couch, insisting it was comfortable because of the lovely nook into which his behind nestled while he slept. Personally, I don't believe his comfort assertion because when I sat on that same couch, I fell into that space reserved for TB's resting rear and was swallowed up in mounds of olive green cushion and had I not been blessed with a rather piercing scream, I'm certain I would still be residing in the bowels of TB's couch, and while it's unlike me to spend much time observing TB's nether regions, I have seen them clothed in denim, and I'm certain they're not half large enough to rest comfortably in that vast couch chasm into which I descended. However, disregarding the relationship between couch labyrinths and TB's darling buttocks, the fact remains that his bedroom is clean and mine is not.

This is not easy for me to admit. Nearly four years ago TB and I spent about an hour online discussing possibilities for his survival because he had inadvertently barricaded himself in his room while trying to pack up his belongings and simultaneously clean the space. He gave me reason to believe he was a professional slob and this is completely untrue. I'm having difficulty transitioning him from my preconceived notion to the reality in spite of the fact that I have seen, and even lived in (for a few days), his apartment. I shall have to clean my bedroom.

There is a point to my preamble--or rather, several points:
1. Finally convinced by Therapist and Darrin, I have admitted to being a relentless workaholic. Their assertions of this were met by me with obstinate disbelief until they asked when I last vacationed without working. I cannot remember. Even when I went to Hawaii for a week, I worked. Apparently, it's beneficial for people to take breaks from work.

2. Therefore, I consented to take a non-working vacation for a whole week. This vacation was also supposed to be free of children and spouse, as I have fallen into "caretaker" mode and find it difficult to attend to my own needs when I'm with people I perceive as needing my help. Instead, I focus entirely on what I can do to make those I'm with more comfortable and end up exhausted and very happy to leave them.

3. After a bit of research and experimentation involving short visits to various friends, Darrin suggested that I accept Tolkien Boy's invitation to go visit him. My personal belief is that TB extended the invitation knowing I was unlikely to accept, and if I did (which I probably wouldn't) I would only stay a day or two. I was a bit embarrassed to call him and say, "How about if I come stay for a WHOLE WEEK?" But TB took it in stride and said he'd discuss it with his roommate. In the meantime, I arranged to stay a couple of days in the middle of the week with Jason and his family, which would allow TB time to catch his breath, spend time with his compatriots, or just languish with his couch before I wrapped up the final day of my vacation with him.

When all the arrangements had been made, fares purchased, and time-off from work granted, I proceeded to have stupid panic attacks because the thought of a week without work was driving me crazy--but--I did it.

The visit allowed me an opportunity to accomplish a few things, emotionally, I could not do on my own, which had nothing to do with workaholism (if it's not a word, it should be), and also gave me time to enjoy some lovely friends. It was not, as was hoped, a relaxing vacation, but I think it accomplished what Therapist had hoped. In retrospect, I'm certain it was exactly what I needed.

I'm not going to regale anyone who happens onto this post with highlights of my mandatory vacation. Perhaps at a later date I will say more. I'm just going to say I'm grateful for friends who offer me hospitality and generosity while I sort out my life, but as a side note, Tolkien Boy is selling his couch as he prepares to move to a different apartment. I'm not sure whether my sympathy lies with the purchaser or TB's behind. Either way, I'm glad he's keeping his bed. I prefer to think of him resting comfortably there. It's so much safer.

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