Just a little bit tired

Today is the first day in six that I did not wake up with a headache and a panic attack. This might possibly be attributed to the fact that I only had two hours of sleep last night. However, not having a panic attack, for whatever reason, is a good thing. 

There are many things driving the panic attacks, not the least of which is the fact that I'm getting tired again. Balancing work and family is problematic. I've been making time for my kids at the expense of work hours which means I have to work until midnight or later--then get up in the morning around 5:30 to get a start on work and help get everyone out the door on time. Add to that Adam's physical therapy (he messed up his knee), helping a close friend through the death of her father-in-law (meals, visits, taking walks, funeral--all good things, but time consuming), trying to keep up with house/laundry/grocery shopping/meal prep...where is Darrin? 

I'm always amazed that Darrin often believes if he works eight hours he gets to rest when he comes home. He offers, always, to help with dinner, but before I can suggest ways he can help, he's off to the shower where he stays for at least 30 minutes. I don't have time to wait for him. There aways seems to be something in the evening causing us to rush through dinner. It's become common for us to start eating without him so the kids can have a meal before they have to leave again. I'm not complaining--Darrin helps with clean-up and tries to fold laundry (which he doesn't put away, so it just goes back on the ginormous folding pile), and fixes things...sigh...I love him, but I really wish he wasn't always fixing things...

I drove past the Hampton Inn on the way to the grocery store on Saturday. I told Tabitha every time I see it, I want to check in for a night. When she wondered why, I told her if I'm spending a night at the Hampton I can rest. At home there's always something waiting for me...laundry to fold, rooms to clean, online work, meals to prepare, phone calls to return...Someday, I think I'm going to do it. Not the work--it's perpetual--but the checking in to some hotel for a night. And I think I'll sleep for hours.