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Friday, December 10, 2010

There are days like today...

I'm quite certain I can do anything--ANYTHING!!!!

This feeling is the result of three PTSD-free days. They're marvelous. In spite of the fact that I've been living at the dentist's office (one of my most despised of places), and I've developed an infection near the roots of one of my teeth, and the dentist tells me I should probably get prepped for a root canal because that's what happens next, I am deciding instead to believe I'm invincible, finishing my antibiotic and pretending the infection will not spread, but will simply go away. This is not denial. I'm very aware of the pain and the prognostication--I just believe, at least for now, that my superpowers are residing in my teeth and in a matter of four days, all will be back to normal. The fact that my dentist told me it's not impossible simply increases my belief that this will happen ("not impossible" = "logical result" in Samspeak).

Tonight I kill off Messiah. Last year I told the committee I didn't want to to Messiah again. I was voted down. I said I didn't want to be on the committee. I was given loads of guilt because I'm one of three founding members. I said I didn't want to play in it. My friend who has been my friend forever and with whom have played since I was twelve pretended she couldn't hear me. So...I'm playing.

The good news is that for all of us "oldies", it's been more of a chore than a joy. I think my "I'm tired" message is beginning to make sense to them. This could be because I did nothing for the committee. On this I was firm. I came to rehearsals. I conducted when asked. I played and practiced, but if asked to do more, I simply smiled and said, "No, thank you." And then I walked away. People have difficulty trying to persuade an absent person to do something they don't wish to do.

This year every member of the Stevens family is in the Messiah production. I have to admit--I love that.

And now I must go dry my hair so I can attend yet another rehearsal (not Messiah).

Oh--no, I haven't sent out the carols yet and you haven't been missed. I've just been busy. Don't worry--you'll see them soon.

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