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Thursday, February 14, 2008

To be your lawfully wedded wife...

I suppose it's to be expected that if one places something on public display, there will be feedback. I never believed that my marriage would be considered remarkable in any setting, however. I was wrong.

I suppose I've always felt that of everything that has happened in my life, my marriage is one of my greatest achievements, something to be cherished and protected, and a source of joy and security for me. I assumed, as I always do, that everyone in the world agrees with me--how could they possibly view me and all aspects of my life, in a different light than I view myself? Again, I am completely wrong about this.

Since my first blog's inception, I have received countless emails and comments rendering various opinions and viewpoint--most all of them agree on one thing, however. They are confused about how my marriage has survived this long. I've been accused of:
1. Creating a fictional masterpiece--this blog is about things that never happened.
2. Living a life of denial.
3. Betraying my true self and my sexual identity (and in doing so, becoming an enemy to all who fight for the right of same-sex marriage).
4. Not realizing how unhappy being in a mixed-orientation marriage actually makes me. In fact, most of the angst I now experience (and blame on past abuse) would evaporate and I would be completely free of all that troubles me if I would just divorce and live a life of authenticity.
5. Being crazy.

I can't even begin to address those issues--and who knows, perhaps they're all true. But they are no more true that this:
1. I love Darrin. I may not love him in the way that I want to jump on him and have sex for hours--but let's face it--even people who find a person who inspires that impulse rarely act on it constantly, and certainly the impulse will fade over time. I have difficulty visualizing 80-year-olds who have the stamina to wish for marathon sex, although viagra may have made that possible. Then again, I'm not 80, so perhaps that's an invalid point.
2. I love Darrin. I'm not necessarily attracted to him physically, but emotionally, there is no other person who can draw me closer. That, in turn, translates itself into a desire to be with him in every way, which allows me to physically express just how important he is to me. I don't particularly care if that's "authentic" in terms of people who read this. For me, it's sort of miraculous and beautiful.
3. I love Darrin. He has never fettered me in any way. He never asks what I cannot give. He expects that I will always succeed, but helps me patch my life back together when I fail. He believes I can do anything. He makes me feel confident, joyful, happy to be alive.
4. I love Darrin. I came to him broken beyond belief. He didn't try to fix me, but loved the broken, difficult, trying person that I was. And he continued to love me as I grew and changed. We never run out of things to talk about. We laugh daily. Every day he kisses me and tells me that he loves me.
5. I love Darrin. He has provided absolute emotional safety for me. He has remained at my side for many years. He tells me he loves making love with me. He holds me when I'm sad. He believes I'm beautiful. He is my best friend, my soul protector, my sweet and wonderful husband.
6. I love Darren.

So feel free to speculate about how my marriage works...or perhaps if it works...for me it is the one part of my life that is never doubtful, weak, or insecure. There is no one in the world like Darrin. I am in love with him in every sense of the word. There is no doubt about it.

Happy Anniversary, Darrin. Thank you for loving me in spite of me. With you, I feel joy, peace, gratitude, and always, love.


  1. A couple of months back I was talking with my 19 year old daughter. She was telling me about her friends and what a mess their families are. Finally, in a tone of exasperation, she said "sometimes I think we're the only normal family!"

    There you have it - families with a single gay parent are the most normal and well adjusted.

  2. Samantha! I think you're crazy! I think you're in denial! I think you're fooling yourself! :)

    And I think you're wonderful! Thank you for a beautiful post. As crazy or as unthinkable as it may seem, love is a miracle! See my latest post on a very similar wavelength.

    All the best and Happy Anniversary!

  3. I still think you're a figment of Tolkien Boy's imagination, but happy anniversary anyway, and happy Valentine's Day. (Pshaw. As if real people actually get married on Valentine's Day...)

  4. [laughs] I can't believe people tell you you're not *really* happy with your marriage. (What is happiness, anyway, if it isn't believing that you're happy?)

    Happy anniversary. : )

  5. I do hope nothing I have said has prompted this.
    I hope you got my email.Perhaps I'm just feeling a little paranoid because I am alone on VD and you are still maintaining a relationship!!!
    Love to you.
    ps:I think I know how to log on now!!!

  6. This is beautiful! Happy Anniversary!

  7. Abe: I agree. :)

    Beck: Thank you. So glad you're here.

    Mr. Fob: I am a figment of TB's imagination--a very lovely one. Thanks for the good wishes, and naturally, if TB planned a wedding for imagination figments, surely it would be on Valentine's Day!

    Ambrosia: People tell me how to feel all the time. It seems to be something I inspire in the masses. And thanks for the anniversary wishes (I'm coming again the first weekend in March--shall we make dinner?).

    Uncle: I got your email--when life slows down I'll probably answer it. In the meantime, thanks for talking to me, and for emailing. I love hearing from you.

    Katrina: Thank you. I'm glad your day was lovely, as well. :)