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Sunday, April 20, 2008

Tonight I would really like to be someone else--just so I can sleep for awhile

Last night was the first in a very long time that I've had nightmares/flashbacks severe enough to wake my entire family with my screaming. Darrin had to physically shake me awake, and then he tried to hold me while my entire body had tremors for about half an hour. It makes me feel like a freak and I hate it. Darrin admitted to me today that when I do that it scares him. A lot.

And now I feel like even more of a freak.

And I'm afraid to go to sleep tonight, but I'm really tired, and I'm supposed to drive to Denver tomorrow morning. I leave at 6:00 a.m.

Therapist said this will probably never go away.

I hate him tonight for saying that.


  1. I am so sorry I'll pray for you to get a good night sleep tonight. I wish I could take your nightmares away for you so sorry that they have come back. -Andrea Joyce

  2. For me,it comes in waves.Just when I think I've got it all under control,it starts over again.Each time it starts up again,I try to remember that it will also end again.
    I try.(sigh)
    At least the primary song says I'm TRYING to be like Jesus-and thats good enough for me!Still very difficult to hang on to that thought when you are in the thick of it,though.
    Glad to see you are still trying.

  3. Oh no! Sam, that's aweful, I'm so sorry. [hug—sans any possible skin-touching, of course]

  4. Nevermind. No hugs. Just concern.