As of today, I am no longer involved with the youth of the church. I opted not to teach Seminary this year because I knew I was having personal difficulties, and today my Bishop stopped by to let me know I'll be released from the Young Women's organization on Sunday.
I told him I knew he was releasing me because I hate Johnny Lingo. He laughed and assured me the release came because a new YW presidency was being sustained. Then he said he owed me an apology. He said that for years I've listened to him talk about how he paid his father-in-law "eight cows" for his wife. It's an inside joke between them that actually has nothing to do with the Bishop's wife and more to do with his relationship with his father-in-law. He said, knowing how I feel about the video, it must have taken much restraint to say nothing. Then he thanked me for sharing how I feel with his wife. He said he had never seen the movie from my point of view, but knowing my past and understanding how I see things had made him rethink his ideas. He apologized for spending class time on something unnecessary and potentially harmful (based on the background of some of the young women). And he thanked me for helping him remember that class time is better spent helping the youth learn about themselves and their relationships to deity. And he told me I was a great teacher, even to him.
So--I have no callings for the first time in many years. It's probably for the best, considering my mental and emotional state right now. However, it's difficult for me. For nearly three years I have felt the Lord's hand in my life. He has given me opportunities to grow and learn and teach within his church. Those are now gone. Other blessings have also been temporary, I am learning. It seems that perhaps my days of being supported by him are numbered. I hope he's not telling me it's time for me to stand alone again. I don't think anyone should have to do that. It's lonely and frightening.
However, if that's what's next, I'll do it. Sometimes there is no other choice.
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I think its great that the Heavens want you to put your priorities somewhere else!It may be the Uncle in me,but I wish for you happiness,and the capacity to love your children - and yourself.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the work!!
I think its great that the Heavens want you to put your priorities somewhere else!It may be the Uncle in me,but I wish for you happiness,and the capacity to love your children - and yourself.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the work!!
Can I share a quote from Elder Holland? "Considering the incomprehensible cost of the Crucufixion and Atonement,I promise you He is not going to turn His back on us now."
ReplyDeleteI don't think the Lord is planning to leave you alone. He wants to support us. He already bore this pain for you. Why would he want to waste His own effort by abandoning you now?
As much as there is relief and grief from a release, there is something said about being "needed" in the kingdom. Maybe it's my own low self-image or needing to be needed, but I'd go crazy without a calling - any calling... It helps me to be better than I would be otherwise. I'm no good left to my own resources. In fact I'm pretty lazy and selfish.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you'll be "needed" shortly!