A departure from the norm

WARNING: Possibly sexually explicit (probably not, but when I post that warning, I find the Google searches that show up on my visitor stats rather hilarious)

A long time ago, my favorite superhero of all time, The Great -L-, asked me if I was "THE ONE." Naturally, I said yes, because I truly do believe I am "THE ONE." However, as it turns out, he and I were speaking of completely different things. Had I read his blog (Keep Changing: A Gay Mormon Journey--have you noticed, -L-, how many times I've plugged you here? And I know the answer is "NO" because you never visit anymore), I would have realized he was speaking of the gay person who has become straight, "THE ONE" who has become fully attracted to the opposite sex, "THE ONE" who wishes only for platonic same-gender relationships. Although I still firmly believe that I am "THE ONE" in my own context (i.e. the most friendly blogger, the most fun Scrabble player, the person who can chat the longest, the youngest looking eighty-year-old, the best memorized-recipe-cookie-baker, the best ex-seminary-teacher-tax-preparer-financial-advisor-bishop's-wife-musician-therapy-junkie-non-blue-food-eater...come on, you guys, admit it--you think I'm "THE ONE", too), I had to concede in my most humble way, that I was indeed, not "THE ONE."

I admitted to a friend this weekend that I thought a mutual friend of ours (whom we had both just met) was absolutely adorable (and if you're reading this, no, it's not you. I purposely chose for an example one who would never read my blog). She was funny and cute and...okay, the purpose is not to go on and on, simply to note that I thought she was adorable, which I've already done. However, the point is that while I still feel attraction to other people, I don't feel overwhelmed by it, nor is it a super-human effort to avoid fantasizing. In fact, I would say that after years of practice, I acknowledge those whom I feel are "adorable" and move on. There are several reasons for this:
1. I love and respect Darrin with all my heart. Regardless of any natural inclinations, he is my husband and my partner. I would never betray his trust or demean his love in any way.
2. It's way too much trouble for me dwell on things I really don't want, especially when having those things would mean the sacrifice of so many things that make up my value system and, well, me (which, of course, contributes to the fact that I believe I really am "THE ONE", even if that means something different from what the resident superhero believes it means).
3. I have true love. I have someone who wants to be with me forever (I know!! Absolutely mind-boggling!! But true!!), and the cool thing about that is that I want to be with him, as well (those of you who have witnessed us together just can't imagine me without him, can you?). Why would I ever give that up?? The truth: I never could.
4. Sigh...I'm well beyond my prime. No adorable woman wants someone my age, and I know that (but I will love Beautiful Swan forever and ever and ever, for saying that I'm beautiful and alluring--and I really don't care if that's coming from a gay guy! I intend to believe he was being sincere).
5. Bottom line--I have what I want. And I never want to lose it.

Okay, I admit that there might be something I'm missing. I admit that sometimes there are things that only a woman can understand about me. I admit that sometimes I hate wishing Darrin's mustache didn't poke me when I kissed him--HOWEVER--I also admit that I love being with him every night (Darrin, I really missed you when I was in Utah), that he's one of the best dads in the whole world, and there is no one else who allows me to be who I am in any instance, loves me in spite of me, and still wants to have sex (HAH!! the warning is hereby justified!) with me even though I'm ancient--and I think he'll probably still feel the same way about me when I'm 20 years older and almost dead. And the bottom line is that no marriage or coupling is perfect, which is sort of the beauty in all of it. You get to work together to make common ground and learn to love each other every day. I really like that.

So...no, I haven't changed my orientation. I'm not "THE ONE" in the context of my favorite superhero. But I am "THE ONE" when it comes to Darrin and he is "THE ONE" for me. And this post is also "THE ONE" because it is cheesy sentimental drivel, which I so rarely write. Enjoy it, because it may the "THE ONLY ONE" I ever write.

By the way, even if -L- disagrees with me, I'm still believing that I'm "THE ONE." I don't really know what that means, but I refuse to be dissuaded.