For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong.
--Henry Louis Mencken
1. My experience is similar to yours and you'll feel better if I tell you about it.
2. In a while you'll be able to put everything behind you and get on with life.
3. Homosexuality is simply an addiction like that of drugs or alcohol and can be dealt with in the same way.
4. Everything in life happens for a reason.
5. You were given trials so you could use them to help others.
6. If you don't dwell on the negative aspects of abuse you'll find the positive.
7. You were abused as a child so that you could be a better parent.
8. In time you'll understand why God let you suffer.
9. You're strong enough to endure whatever challenge you've been blessed with.
10. Only you can decide what your attitude will be and how you will use your pain to bless the lives of others.
11. Nothing is meaningless.
12. You just need to try harder.
13. I'm sure your cousin was hurting as much as you were, in his own way.
14. It probably wasn't as bad as you remember. Otherwise you wouldn't be so well-adjusted.
15. You really are suppressing a vital part of who you are. The day will come when you have to express it and your whole family will be devastated. Your choice to have a family was unwise.
16. You use your belief in God as an excuse to conform to archaic societal norms. You're not helping anyone in doing so, least of all those of us who are trying to affirm who we are and bring about a better way of life and equal rights for those who are gay and lesbian.
17. If you really believed in the Lord and in the atonement, you would no longer feel the pain of your past.
18. You just need more faith.
19. You should confront your cousin and work things out.
20. Your relationships with single men, even if they're gay, are inappropriate. You're married and should concentrate on building that relationship instead of seeking out opportunities to be close to other men.
I appreciate the fact that you believe you can make my life better with your advice and judgments. I must state unequivocally that you are ignorant, insensitive and incorrect.
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Just for clarification, are those actual things people have told you?
ReplyDeleteActually, I don't doubt it. I've had some pretty insensitive things told to me about what I ought to feel/think about my experiences with sexual abuse and homosexuality.
I suppose, that for most people, these kinds of experiences and the feelings that go along with them are so outside their realm of comprehension, that they have to fall back on trite sayings, and never really comprehend what they are saying, or how hurtful it can be.
At least, that's what I'd like to believe.
I know, at least in part, how you feel Samantha.
(I hope I wasn't giving you "wrong answer #1)
Yes. For some reason, in the past month these are some thoughts that have been shared with me in chats, email, and in person. Most people heard my answers right away, and I wasn't very nice. However, the words have been rattling around in my brain ever since. I'm hoping that posting them here will give them a new home.
ReplyDeleteIf I've come up with any of those brilliant things, I'm sorry! Yeesh. I think I've said some of these things to myself, however. And I ditto what iwonder said.
ReplyDeleteI just want you to know that I truly care about you. I respect the way you are handling your situation. I can't begin to imagine how hard things have been for you, and I don't know if there is anything that I have ever said that came across as hurtful, but I don't have the answers I just have this overwhelming feeling to hug you and to push away all the pain you have felt. Obviously that's possible, but on some very minuscule level I mourn when you are in pain and I will continue to do so because I just love you so much.
ReplyDeletesorry.
ReplyDeletewhen I said "obviously that's possible..." I meant to say IMPOSSIBLE.
I just wanted to clarify.
While all of those may be wrong answers, some of them might still be true. Most of them aren't, but some of them I would tend to believe. Of course, given in the wrong spirit or at the wrong time, even true answers can be wrong.
ReplyDelete