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Sunday, July 29, 2007

Welcome, Welcome, Sabbath Morning

1. Stupid talks in Sacrament Meeting (I'm going to Hell)--the fourth Sunday this month that the topic was America the Beautiful. And while I understand the point of being patriotic occasionally, this is overkill and I just have to say that there are a lot more relevant things to talk about in Sacrament Meeting, like, oh, I don't know, The Gospel of Jesus Christ...or something like that...
2. My son told me it was irreverent to draw stick figure cartoons during talks and said he wasn't going to give me any gum if I didn't stop.
3. My daughter patted my hand and suggested I sit still for a few minutes because I was making her crazy.
4. My other son suggested I go to the bathroom and get a drink of water.
5. I went to my car and slept through Sunday School because something about the teacher makes me want to misbehave in his class.
6. My daughter came to get me for Young Women--except it was the fifth Sunday, so I had to go to Relief Society instead.
7. We talked about pornography in RS. Some stupid man said, "We've done without the internet for thousands of years. We can keep doing without it. There is no reason to have the internet in your home." Stupid, stupid, insane man. I pity his children. They probably won't have electricity or cars either--we've done without them for thousands of years...
8. I told all the pious brothers and sisters that they could put all the locks and safeguards they wanted to on their computers, but if someone in their family wanted to find pornography, he/she would find it. I was booed and hissed.
9. I told all the pious brothers and sisters that people they knew and loved, perhaps even they, themselves, were viewing pornography, and if they thought otherwise they were blind and stupid. More boos and hisses.
10. I told all the pious brothers and sisters that pornography probably would be a little less enticing if, instead of telling their children not to have sex, they talked about things like arousal, orgasms, foreplay, and other sexual body functions, and the ways those wonderful activities are used to draw two people closer together. People reached for the nearest stones.
11. I told all the pious brothers and sisters that men are not the sole viewers of porn and that women are not the sole "victims". Many women view pornography on the internet and if they have daughters, they should be aware of that. It was very quiet in the room. I decided I should probably shut up.
12. I saw my friend from the mentally deranged ward of the hospital. We were happy to see each other and exchanged fond reminiscences of our unfortunate incarcerations.

All in all a pretty distressing Sabbath. Yay.


  1. .

    Haha--we had awesome talks this week.

  2. dude, I so wish I could have been there in the meeting to hear you pass along some important info to the "pious brothers and sisters" and anyone else who may have been listening. I would have had a hard time keeping the grin off my face. you go girl

  3. The only thing I had to put up with was a talk that went on FOREVER. Sacrament meeting was last, and the kid literally went 10 minutes over the end of the meeting. Then we still did all three verses of the closing song. So there I am, 15 minutes after the scheduled end of the meeting, and the bishop still wants to meet with Salad and I to give marital advice, and I still need to talk with the stake president for the second half of my temple recommend interview, and I miss him by this much before he has to run off and do a setting apart. Luckily for me it fell through and I got to go home a mere 90 minutes after meetings were done.

    Of course, I was also told that family history is so much easier than I think it is. Because reading family records that are both in Chinese and destroyed by Communists in the Cultural Revolution is so simple. Mmm hmm. Gotta love churchy generalizations. What if the perfect little world wasn't so perfect, pious brother or sister?

  4. I think we need to be in the same ward. I would draw stick figures with you during the talks, take naps during sunday school, and I would applaud all of your wonderful statements to the pious brothers and sisters. I'm much to irreverent for my own good. Poor Drex is going to be so ashamed of me when we're in the same ward--oh well, it's his own darn fault for marrying me :D

  5. If it's any consolation, Samantha, I stayed for about 2 minutes after the sacrament was passed on the 4th of July Sunday, and then the rhetoric and blind patriotism made me physically ill, and I went home.

  6. Church never sounded so fun.

  7. My son's married student ward at BYUI had a power point presentation on pornography posted on their ward website. It was presented at a joint P/RS meeting and then made available online. I copied it and shared it with a few people. It compared the struggle with pornography with the struggles of the people of Limhi. It emphasized that women were susceptible as well as men. I thought it was really good. I wish I knew how to share it with you, but I don't know if you're even interested. I think it's cool that you made the comments you did. I wouldn't have thrown any stones.