Probably it's not that noticeable. I notice because it's my blog, of course. But I haven't been writing as frequently lately. It's not because I don't need it, or because it's not helpful. It's because some things have happened in the past couple of weeks that have made me feel less inclined to talk. A giant step backwards? Perhaps.
Sometimes I wish there were great big holes for people to jump into when they feel as I have lately. And we could all just stay there for as long as it took for the feelings to wear themselves out. We wouldn't have to worry about saying or doing stupid things that normally we would never think of doing or saying.
Unfortunately, that's not the way life works. So, I'm trying once again to convince myself that the world is a better place because I help make it that way. Bawb asked me where I would live if I could choose--and I told him "Northwest Territory," and then I laughed. But I truly meant it.
None of this post makes sense unless you've lived in my skin this month.
It's not like this has been an all bad month. Lots of good things have happened. My favorite sister came to visit a couple of nights ago, and Ambrosia and Bawb came for a day. I love it when people are with me. It's just that this has been a month when I've not been very good at managing the crap inside me. And I said some things I wish I had not. Still trying to make my way past that. It's not easy.
I thought I was ready to blog again, but it seems I might need more days to think.