Day One

Today we went to the airport to pick up Darrin's mother. Every time she comes I learn new things. Today we learned that everything in our lives is based on our heritage. For instance, Mother-in-law loves Reuben sandwiches because her grandmother was Jewish. She likes jewelry because her father was from Spain and they make Spanish gold there (don't ask me...I have no idea what that means...). Tabitha's ears are pierced because it's a genetic anomaly among the women in Darrin's family--they're just born that way (never mind the fact that I actually took her to get them pierced in December--I'm obviously delusional). A European Spanish heritage requires one to yell at drivers that are aggravating as long as no swearing is involved. I believe the exact words you may use are: "HOW MUCH DID YOU PAY THE DMV TO GET THEM TO GRANT YOU A DRIVER'S LICENSE?? YOU CAN'T EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYING, CAN YOU?? IF YOU COME TO THIS COUNTRY MAYBE YOU SHOULD SPEND MORE TIME LEARNING ENGLISH AND LESS TIME DRIVING LIKE A SCHMUCK!!!" (Never mind the fact that Mother-in-law's Mother-in-law died without learning a word of English, and she lived in New York City. Perhaps that's inapplicable, though. Mother-in-law's Mother-in-law didn't drive.)

So now it begins. Darrin's family is descending upon us. They make me crazy because they will spend the whole time trying to tell me how to live every aspect of my life from loading the dishwasher to cleaning myself after defecation (sorry). And anyone who knows me understands that people just don't tell me what to do--ever. This makes for somewhat stressful interaction as they talk their heads off for the purpose of my improvement, and I dedicate myself to ignoring them.

Wish me luck. Only five more days to go!